A Guide to Teaching our Kids about Emotions and Regulation

Helping Children Handle Big Feelings – A Guide for Families

Childhood (and let’s be honest, the tween and teen years too!) is a rollercoaster of emotions. One moment they’re belly laughing, the next they’re in floods of tears or storming off in a huff. It’s all part of growing up, learning how to feel, process, and express emotions in a healthy way.

As parents and caregivers, one of the greatest gifts we can give our children is the ability to understand their feelings and handle them with confidence. Here's a guide to help you do just that, whether your child is three, thirteen, or somewhere in between.

For All Ages:

1. Name That Feeling
   Use everyday moments to talk about emotions. For younger children, label feelings using simple language: “You look really cross, is it because your tower fell down?” For older children and teens, introduce more nuanced language: frustration, disappointment, embarrassment, and overwhelm. This builds their emotional vocabulary and helps them express themselves more clearly.

2. All Feelings Are Welcome
   Let them know it’s okay to feel – all of it. Anger, sadness, excitement, fear... these are all valid emotions. You don’t have to fix how they feel, just acknowledging it with something like, "It sounds like today was really overwhelming," can make them feel seen and heard.

3. Be the Calm in Their Storm
   Kids of all ages watch how we deal with stress. Show them what healthy emotional regulation looks like: taking a deep breath, pausing before reacting, saying, "I'm feeling really frustrated right now, so I’m going to step outside for a moment." Your actions give them a blueprint for handling their own tricky emotions.

For Younger Children (Under 8):

1. Use Stories and Play
   Picture books, puppets, drawing, and role play can help little ones make sense of feelings. Use characters to talk about what happened and how they felt, helping them explore emotions in a safe and playful way.

2. Teach Coping Skills
   Practice calming techniques like “smell the flower, blow out the candle” breathing, stomping out anger, or having a calm corner. You could create a little emotions toolkit together with playdough, sensory toys, or feeling cards.

3. Keep it Consistent
   Routines help children feel safe and secure, which in turn helps with emotional regulation. A predictable bedtime, regular meals, and knowing what’s coming next reduces anxiety and emotional outbursts.

For Older Children and Teens:

1. Create Space to Talk – Without Fixing
   Tweens and teens don’t always want advice; sometimes, they just want you to listen. Be available without pressure. Try chatting while doing something together, like driving, walking the dog, or washing up, side-by-side chats often feel less intense.

2. Help Them Recognise Triggers
   Encourage older kids to reflect on what sets them off. Is it feeling left out, tired, pressure from school, or too much screen time? You can share your own experiences too: “I’ve noticed I get snappy when I don’t get outside for fresh air” to show that everyone has triggers.

3. Normalise Emotions
   Let them know it’s normal to feel intense things as they grow. Hormones, school pressure, friendships – it’s a lot. Remind them that emotions are messengers, not enemies. Sadness might be telling them they need connection. Anger could mean that something feels unfair.

4. Build Their Toolkit
   Older children benefit from more advanced coping strategies: journaling, talking to a trusted adult, exercising, creative outlets, mindfulness apps, even just knowing when to ask for help. Involve them in choosing what works best for them.

5. Celebrate Efforts, Not Just Outcomes
   Praise their progress in handling emotions, even if it’s not perfect. “I noticed you walked away when you were upset instead of shouting. That took real maturity.” This reinforces their growth and builds confidence.

No matter their age, the most powerful thing you can do is be there – really be there – through the ups and downs. Emotions don’t need to be feared or avoided. When we help our children feel safe to express themselves, we’re teaching them that they are loved in every mood and moment.

Together, let’s raise emotionally intelligent humans who know how to feel deeply, speak honestly, and bounce back with strength and self-awareness.