Positive Discipline During the Holidays: Keeping the Peace When Routines Go Out the Window
Tired of festive chaos? Discover how to keep calm and connected when Christmas cheer turns into Christmas chaos
Ah, the holidays. That magical time when twinkly lights appear, the fridge groans under the weight of “just-in-case” snacks, and we all pretend we are fine living in festive chaos. The kids are off school, routines fly out the window faster than Santa’s reindeer, and suddenly, bedtime seems like a distant memory from a more civilised era.
If you are already wondering how to keep your cool (and your sanity) while maintaining some sort of order, take a deep breath. You are not alone. Even the calmest, most “Pinterest-perfect” parents find the holidays a test of patience. But with a little intention and a good dose of humour, you can create a holiday season that is fun, connected, and full of positive discipline, even when the schedule looks like a snow globe someone has just shaken.
Connection First, Correction Second
Before we talk boundaries, let’s talk connection. Positive discipline is not about controlling behaviour; it is about guiding it. When children feel connected, they are far more likely to cooperate or at least grumble less when asked to tidy up wrapping paper.
Take a few minutes each day to connect with your child one-to-one. No phone, no multitasking, just presence. Ask them what they are most excited about, what they want to do together, or even let them plan a “family fun hour.” This helps refill their emotional tank, which often runs low when the usual structure disappears. Remember, misbehaviour is often just a clumsy way of saying, “I need you.”
Keep Boundaries Simple (and Kind)
When you have got cousins running through the house and sugar levels at “rocket launch” status, it can be tempting to go all Mrs Doubtfire meets Drill Sergeant. But too many rules can backfire. Instead, choose a few non-negotiables and stick to them.
For example: kind words and kind hands, no matter how excited everyone gets; everyone helps tidy before playing again; and screens switch off when family time begins. Keep boundaries clear and consistent but deliver them calmly. You are not enforcing rules to your child, you are creating safety and predictability for them. The tone you use makes all the difference. Think firm but friendly, not festive dictator.
Plan for Flexibility
The holidays are a juggling act. One day you are baking gingerbread, the next you are bribing the kids to put on proper shoes before visiting Grandma. Routines will bend, but they do not have to break.
Pick one or two daily anchors to help everyone feel grounded. Perhaps a morning walk with the dog, reading together before bed, or sitting down for one meal as a family. These little rituals signal safety and predictability amid the excitement. And if the wheels do fall off (which they will), laugh about it. A bit of laughter can diffuse tension faster than any lecture.
Empower, Don’t Entitle
It is easy to get swept up in holiday generosity. “Oh go on then, one more chocolate, one more late night.” But positive discipline is about helping children learn self-regulation, not self-indulgence.
Instead of saying no outright, try giving choices within limits. “Would you like one more chocolate now, or save it for tomorrow’s movie night?” “You can stay up for one more story, or go to bed now and read two tomorrow.” You are teaching decision-making, and they still feel they have some control, which makes everyone’s life easier.
Model the Calm You Want to See
Easier said than done when your in-laws are on their third round of Christmas charades and someone has spilt juice on the presents. But your energy sets the tone. If you can pause, breathe, and respond instead of react, your child learns emotional regulation by watching you.
You do not need to get it right all the time, repair is powerful too. A simple “I got cross earlier, I am sorry, let’s start again” teaches accountability better than any lecture could.
Remember, Perfect Isn’t the Goal
Positive discipline during the holidays is not about crafting a flawless family experience, it is about building connection, compassion, and calm in the middle of the madness. So give yourself grace.
If everyone is fed, loved, and occasionally laughing, you are doing brilliantly. The magic is not in the perfect schedule or the spotless house. It is in those small, imperfect moments where you choose patience, understanding, and love, even when you have just stepped on another piece of Lego.
Anisa Lewis is a Parenting and Family Coach who helps busy families raise happy and confident children through curiosity, connection, and communication.
