Helping Children Manage Disappointment: Coping Strategies When Gifts or Plans Don’t Go Exactly as They Hoped

When Christmas magic meets real life, disappointment can strike. Here’s how to help your child bounce back with resilience and a smile.

We have all been there. The carefully chosen gift that you thought would be the one is met with a polite “Oh… thanks,” before being placed to one side in favour of the shiny toy their cousin unwrapped. Or maybe the much-anticipated trip to the Christmas market gets rained off, and suddenly the atmosphere turns from “Merry and Bright” to “Moody and Blight.”

Disappointment is part of life, and for children, the holidays can be full of big expectations, fuelled by adverts, playground chatter, and the endless sparkle of social media. When reality does not quite match the vision in their heads, feelings can run high. The good news is that moments of disappointment, while tricky, are golden opportunities to help children build emotional resilience, empathy, and gratitude.

Acknowledge, Don’t Dismiss

When your child is upset because something did not go to plan, it can be tempting to rush in with “It’s fine!” or “Don’t be ungrateful.” But for a child, the feeling is real and big. By acknowledging the emotion, you are teaching them it is safe to feel.

Try something like, “You really wanted that toy, didn’t you? It is disappointing when things do not turn out how we imagined.” This simple act of naming the emotion helps children feel seen and understood. Once they feel heard, they are far more open to calming down and problem-solving.

It might feel small, but in that moment, you are teaching emotional literacy, the foundation for managing feelings later in life.

Empathy First, Lessons Later

The holidays can stretch everyone’s patience, and when faced with tears or sulking, it is easy to slip into lecture mode. “Some children would love what you have!” or “You should be grateful.” And while those statements might be true, they do little to soothe the sting of disappointment.

Instead, focus first on empathy. A gentle “I know, it is hard when things do not turn out how you hoped,” goes a long way. Once the emotion has passed, that is when you can gently reflect together. “I know you were disappointed, but look how you managed to calm down and enjoy the rest of the day, that is brilliant.” You are reinforcing resilience and showing them, they can move through big feelings and still be okay.

Model How You Handle Disappointment

Children learn how to respond by watching us. When your roast potatoes are more “charcoal chic” than “golden perfection,” or the in-laws cancel last minute, how you handle it sets the tone.

Saying out loud, “I am disappointed, I was really looking forward to that, but we will make the best of it,” shows them healthy emotional regulation in real time. They learn that it is okay to feel disappointed and that feelings are not forever.

Help Them Find the Silver Lining

Once your child has had space to feel their emotions, you can guide them towards perspective. Ask, “What else could we do instead?” or “What is something about today that is still special?” These kinds of questions help reframe the situation without dismissing it.

You could even make a family game out of it, “The Silver Lining Challenge” where everyone takes turns finding one small positive when things do not go to plan. It helps children build flexibility and the ability to pivot, skills they will use long after the wrapping paper has gone.

Keep Expectations Realistic

It is natural to want to create a magical holiday for our children, but the truth is, no one can manufacture constant joy. There will be sibling squabbles, burnt sprouts, and the occasional meltdown. And that is okay.

Talk openly before big events about what might happen. “Sometimes plans change, and that is alright. We can still have fun.” Preparing them in advance sets realistic expectations and reduces the shock factor when life does what it does best, surprise us.

Turn Disappointment into Connection

The beauty of disappointment is that it creates a space for connection. When you sit beside your child, listen, empathise, and remind them they are loved no matter what, you are strengthening your bond. That security is what helps them bounce back faster.

And one day, when things do not go their way at school or in life, they will have the tools (and your voice in their head) reminding them they can handle it.

So, if this holiday season comes with a few tears alongside the tinsel, remember: it is not a failure. It is a chance to teach your child one of life’s most valuable lessons, that they are capable of feeling disappointment and finding joy again, sometimes in the very same day.

Anisa Lewis is a Parenting and Family Coach who helps busy families raise happy and confident children through curiosity, connection, and communication.