Christmas. The most wonderful time of the year, apparently!
I do love Christmas, but I also know that for many families, the reality doesn't always quite match the picture we have in our heads. We imagine cosy evenings, happy children, lovely family traditions and everyone enjoying some much-needed time together. Then December arrives, the diary fills up, the children start asking how many sleeps there are until Christmas, and we find ourselves wondering how something that's supposed to be so enjoyable has become quite so exhausting.
There's often a lot of pressure attached to Christmas, much of which we put on ourselves without even realising it. We want to make it special, give our children wonderful memories and create those moments they'll look back on fondly. Yet somewhere along the way, it's easy to become so caught up in making Christmas happen that we forget to enjoy it ourselves.
Whose Christmas are we trying to create?
I think this is an interesting question for us to consider as parents. So much of what we do at Christmas is influenced by our own experiences growing up. There might be traditions we absolutely loved and want to recreate, or things we missed out on that we're determined our children will experience. Add in the expectations of extended family, friends and the seemingly endless stream of festive inspiration around us, and it's hardly surprising that we sometimes feel we have a lot to live up to.
Of course, what makes Christmas special changes as our children grow. A younger child might be completely captivated by the magic of Father Christmas, while an older child may be more interested in seeing friends, having some freedom or simply enjoying a break from school. Teenagers might not be quite so enthusiastic about the family traditions they once adored, which can be surprisingly disappointing for us as parents.
It's worth being curious about what our children actually enjoy, rather than assuming that the things we've always done are still the things everyone wants to do. Sometimes the traditions we hold most tightly are the ones our children would happily change!
When everyone has a different idea of fun
One of the challenges of Christmas is that we're often trying to meet lots of different expectations at once. Younger children may be bursting with excitement and struggling to wait for the big day. Siblings might disagree about what to watch, play or do together. Older children may want time with their friends when we'd really like everyone gathered around the table playing a board game.
Then there are the inevitable moments when things don't go to plan. Someone doesn't get the present they were hoping for, an outing isn't quite as wonderful as expected, or an argument breaks out just as you're trying to take that lovely family photograph.
It's tempting to become frustrated, particularly when we've put so much time, effort and money into making things special. We can find ourselves saying things like, "After everything I've done!" or "Can't we just have one nice day?"
I think it's helpful to remember that our children don't necessarily experience Christmas in the same way we do. Their priorities, expectations and ideas of enjoyment can be very different from ours. That doesn't mean we have to accommodate everyone's wishes all the time, but a little curiosity and communication can help us find a way forward that works for the family.
What do we want our children to remember?
This is probably my favourite question to ask when thinking about Christmas, because it has a way of bringing us back to what really matters.
When our children are grown up and looking back on their childhood Christmases, what do we hope they'll remember? Will it be how many presents were under the tree, how many festive activities we managed to squeeze into December or whether everything went exactly according to plan?
I suspect many of the memories that stay with us are much simpler. The laughter around the dinner table, watching the same Christmas film for the hundredth time, making something together in the kitchen or those wonderfully ordinary moments when everyone is relaxed and enjoying each other's company.
That doesn't mean we should abandon the outings, presents and traditions. They can be a huge part of the fun. It's simply about recognising that we don't have to do everything to make Christmas meaningful.
Sometimes the best thing we can do is take something out of the diary and leave a little room for life to happen.
Don't forget that you're part of Christmas too
There's another important consideration, and that's us as parents.
It's very easy to spend December thinking about what everyone else needs. Have we bought the right presents? Remembered the school events? Organised the food? Sorted the family arrangements? Made sure nobody feels left out?
By the time Christmas arrives, we can be so tired from organising it all that we have very little energy left to enjoy it.
I often talk to parents about the importance of recognising their own needs, because how we're feeling has an enormous influence on family life. When we're tired, stressed or feeling under pressure, we're much more likely to become impatient or react to things that we might otherwise take in our stride.
Sharing the responsibilities, asking for help, saying no to something or simply deciding that good enough really is good enough can make a difference. Christmas belongs to the whole family, and that includes you.
Making room for the Christmas you actually want
As we head towards December, I'd encourage you to think about three things.
Firstly, what would you really like your children to remember about Christmas? Not necessarily what you want them to do or receive, but how you'd like them to feel when they look back on this time together.
Secondly, is there anything you could let go of? A tradition that's become more of an obligation than a pleasure, an invitation you don't really want to accept or an expectation you've placed on yourself that nobody else is particularly bothered about.
Finally, what small change might help everyone enjoy Christmas a little more? It might be involving your children in the planning, allowing older children some choice about how they spend their time, protecting a quiet family morning or simply making sure there are opportunities to be together without having to rush off somewhere.
There will still be disagreements, disappointments and moments when things don't go quite as we'd hoped. That's family life, and Christmas doesn't magically change that.
What we can do is approach it with a little more curiosity, connection and communication, and a little less pressure to make every moment perfect. Because the Christmases our children remember most fondly might not be the ones where we did the most, but the ones where we genuinely enjoyed being together.
Join me for December's FREE Live with Anisa
Can We Just Enjoy Christmas This Year?
Tuesday 1 December 2026 | 12.00 pm | 30 minutes
Christmas can be wonderful, but it can also bring plenty of pressure, expectations and family disagreements.
Join me for a practical, down-to-earth conversation about why Christmas doesn't always go quite as planned, how we can take some of the pressure off and simple ways to create more connection and enjoyment for the whole family.
Book your free place:
https://anisalewis.as.me/LivewithAnisa
Can't make it live? Register and I'll send you the replay.
